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Why I Am Not Scared Of Talking About Marriage

My husband and I have the most normal of beginnings. We were high school classmates brought again by one of those reunions and get-togethers we love having during the summer. Nine years after that first Yahoo Messenger chat (yes, there was no Facebook back then), we celebrated our marriage in a beautiful ceremony in Tagaytay.

On our first week as boyfriend-girlfriend, he asked me to marry him and I said yes. We were joking, of course, but we know back then that what we have was something extraordinary.

Marriage Was Always On The Table

You see, because he was in medical school, I was required to do and sacrifice a lot of things that normal girlfriends don’t have to. We don’t have the time to go on trips or even share a meal together. Our marriage was basically founded on drive-thru meals, the long drive from his dorm to my house, and those couple of hours a week we can go to the theater like a normal couple.

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But even if we lack the time together, we got one thing right, at least. We talk a lot, consistently and with boundless energy. My then boyfriend calls me while he’s on hospital duty, while he’s driving to and from the hospital, before he sleeps, in between TV series we watch at the same time.

He calls me even when there’s nothing to say and we would talk about our default topic: the high school memories we both share. He talks to me about everything—the past, the present, the future. He talks to me about the trivial and the important.

Alas, he talks to me about getting married and planning our lives together. It took us nine years to finally say our “I do’s.” It wasn’t an easy start and the journey was long and hard.

There were times I thought we were never going to get to this point. There were months and months of heartbreaks and devastations and soul-crunching pain. It worked because we want and willed it to work.

It worked because we never, ever got scared of talking and admitting what we want. With us, there was no pride or any of those things that build walls between couples. We want to stay and be together.

Let’s Get To The Point

One of the most defining moments of our relationship was when he asked (not proposed) what I think about marrying him. This was after a friend, who spent a good six months together with her boyfriend, got proposed on.

There were two thoughts going through my head that time: should I tell him I want to get married or should I be a “girl” and tell him it’s really up to him? I went ahead and told him I was ready to settle down.

He was, too, but he was in the middle of his residency and there’s no way we can get married that time. In my head, I was ready to talk away from it. I didn’t think I can wait another year or two.

Spoiler alert: I waited. He proposed a year later, in front of the church I grew up in. It was expected, yes, because we have been talking about marriage for the last two years. But looking back, it is the courage to wait, forgive, compromise, sacrifice, and love that made it ultimately work.

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