A friend who has been in a toxic relationship for more than five years called me up today. She was crying over the phone because she and her boyfriend had a verbally abusive fight that started about a mundane task: who should wash the dishes. The task led to him verbally abusing her for being dominating and insensitive.
Sharing a life with someone is about growing together and bringing out each other’s best qualities. Unfortunately, this is not the case with people who are in a toxic relationship. Their partner will either put them down or they will go on an endless tirade of each other’s mistakes and failures. So, why stay?
Toxic Relationship Can Get Addicting
Thought Catalogue’s Laura Yates say it’s because people in this relationship “confuse destruction for passion.” Some are addicted to the drama this relationship gives into their life. After an hour of verbal abuse, some end their fight in a passionate lovemaking.
People who are in a toxic relationship are addicted to the fire being brought by their partner’s fury. For people in this relationship, being normal is boring.
Meanwhile, others reasoned love to be the culprit on why they are still holding the fort. Some still sees their partner as the person they met before the toxicity took over. The way they were able to ‘click’ because they share the same interests. They still have that flicker of hope that the person they met that day will eventually emerge and they will leave happily ever after.
Having Your Own ‘I’ve Had Enough’ Moment
Friends may attempt a few times to let you see the negative effects of your toxic relationship. Unfortunately, some, like my friend, can’t see what the others see. I think in the end, the reason why they stay is because of the process they had to undergo to realize that the relationship is not working for them.
In time, they will have an epiphany that they have tried so hard to make this relationship, but after years of being together, the vicious cycle remains: no improvement, just full of destruction.
I guess my friend will come around. She has a good head on her shoulders, it’s just her heart is probably seeing something with him that we, her friends, don’t. Her ‘coming to terms’ moment about her relationship will happen at her own pace.
Getting out of a toxic relationship if probably one of the hardest yet most rewarding things a gal can do
— Grace Bridgman (@grace_bridgman) March 5, 2017
For the time being, all we can do for her is to provide support but also remind her that she has to find a way to walk away from this toxic relationship and start anew. Did you experience being in a toxic relationship? What did you do in the end?