For all our advancements and growth of knowledge in the various fields – psychology, biology, sociology – we still haven’t managed to figure out love. Many want it and yearn for it, and many already have it, and yet to this day, no one’s really been able to crack it. But during our individual forays into the world of love, we do undoubtedly get a little bit wiser about it. Perhaps that’s why, and the very least, we find easy differences between mature love, and immature love.
Age doesn’t have anything to do with this one. Mature love isn’t about love between two “mature” people, any more than immature love is between two kids.
The Choice Of Love
With all our exposure to Hollywood rom-coms and a plethora of romantic novels at our disposal, it’s easy to develop a certain image of love. That’s the kind that’s all about flowers and romantic dinners, of simple and clean narratives that bring boy and girl together with few hitches along the way. That kind of love is easy. It’s also the immature kind.
That kind of love typically comes off as obsessive. It comes off as a need, rather than a choice. But necessitating the presence of your “loved one” is hardly empowering or productive in a solid, long-term relationship. That basically matches the definition of parasitism. You can’t make a good life for yourself if you only draw it from someone else.
Mature love doesn’t hinge on two people being one person. They’re not two halves of one whole, who would be nothing without the other. Rather, mature love is perfectly fine with seeing two people exactly as they are – as two people with their own separate lives, with autonomy and freedom. And that’s the freedom to choose the love they have. It’s difficult, and comes with problems and imperfections. But it’s the one they choose.
Answers, Not Questions
You know that mature love is also the kind that takes time to achieve. That’s because mature love has grown into its own security. People who love each other in the fullest way are confident in their choices, not because they’re driven by the sparkle of love, but because they’ve embraced the difficult and often ugly side of it. Elite Daily’s Lauren Martin says it best herself: immature love is about questions, mature love is about answers.
Immature love is driven by an uncertainty that a couple will be next week, next month, or next year. But mature love knows what the future is like, because know they’ll carve it out themselves.