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Coming Out As Gay Then Falling In Love With The Opposite Sex: What To Do

Coming out, either as a lesbian or gay, was difficult a few years back. However these days, it is slowly becoming a norm in society. Though a percentage of the population still have their apprehensions, they recognize that the community is there. Apart from acceptance, the LGBT community wants to love and be loved.

Coming out can also be quite irreversible. Once you did it, there’s really no going back to the closet. This is why falling in love with the opposite sex after you came out can be confusing. Is that even possible? Nothing says yes than the experiences of others and of course yours!

Here are some tips for you to live the authentic life you want, no matter what orientation you identify with.

Do Not Think Yourself A Fraud

Now you feel like you’ve been living a lie all over again. You went through all the difficulties of coming out and now you have to contemplate questions as to why you are dating someone from the opposite sex. Yes this can be a daunting and confusing prospect, but there’s no reason for you to feel like a fraud, no matter what people (from either side) will tell you.

Remember, just like you probably reasoned when you’re in love with someone of the same sex and others are judging you, “no one can choose who they fell in love with.”

If you want to know that this is actually possible, think of Comedian and writer Ash Fisher. In her Huffington Post article, she recounted the time when she did find a partner that she can spend the rest of her life with. However, rather than falling in love with a woman, she fell in love with a man. But nope, she did not let all her doubts and confusion forget what’s important here – love!

Do Not Hide Again – You Know How Hard It Was To Be In The Closet!

A person’s sexual orientation had been a hush-hush topic for quite some time. Not everyone was very welcoming when a family member decides to come out and announce that they are gay or lesbians or transsexual. But to be out and free is always better than being in the closet and lying to everyone else, including yourself.

When you came out, you probably did it because lying for one more second felt difficult and unimaginable. Do you want to live like that again? Hiding and lying? If you answered no, good for you!

A Reddit user was in panic mode when she, who already came out as a lesbian, suddenly started having feelings for a friend who is a straight guy.

Redditors gave her pieces of advice on how to handle her situation. Some even cited lesbian friends who now found a significant other from the opposite sex. Reddit user lollappaloosa said, “there are no rules for attraction, it’s not like you picked a side, now you have to stay there.”

Another Reddit user said that people fall in love with people and not their reproductive organs. Others said to give it a try and see what happens.  These are very wise words.

Give Your “Straight” Relationship a Real Try, No Holding Back!

For Ash Fisher, coming out 10 years ago shaped her life to where she is now. In her Huffington Post article, Fisher said that her stand up acts usually revolved around her queerness, of being a dyke. Moreover, her relationships are all with women.

However, everything changed when she found love with a guy. What made it possible? The comedian said that she did not know that it was possible to be with someone who is “so compatible” with you on so many levels.

The writer did mention that this relationship set up she is in is “a new kind of worry and it’s unsettling.” However, she also cited that it has also been the “healthiest, easiest and most natural one” for her at this time.

If you met someone like who Fisher found for herself, to let the person go is quite unwise. Not to mention, so damaging for yourself.


So if you find yourself in a situation like Fisher, don’t be bothered. The last thing you need to do is to lie once more. Hiding someone you love is one way to break whatever special between the two of you for good.

If you once shunned society’s harsh judgements and bravely shouted you’re queer, all the more you can shout out your love for someone – same or the opposite sex.

Fisher ended her article with a statement that she is still queer, “before, now and always.” This makes perfect sense. Coming out is one’s preference when it comes to their sexual identity. On the other hand, falling in love does not mean you have to comply with the norm. There are no labels when it comes to love. It is what it is. Accept and take it one step at a time.

Read More: Cynthia Nixon Urges LGBT People To Come Out, Calls Donald Trump A Poser

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