Food Trends We Could Do Without

I am over the leggings-as-pants, if I see another pair of Ugg Boots traipsing around the subway system when its 90 degrees out I may vomit and, really guys, enough with the v-neck t-shirts that show more chest hair than I’d like to see.  Fads.  It’s what keeps our society interesting.  The culinary world has them too and like other fads there is always a list of what we have enough of.  I plan on divulging what we can keep locked away in the cupboard for a while or just destroying it with the garbage disposal.

1. Bacon: I’m going to piss off pork lovers with this one but it is the sad truth. I get it, bacon makes everything taste better, bacon on a burger, bacon chunks sprinkled atop leafy salads, bacon in pork belly cubes, barbequed with slices of fruit, bacon liquor, bacon pancakes, bacon…ice cream?  My stomach hurts, and my arteries are screaming.

2. Sliders: For the love of beef…enough!  Every restaurant I’ve wandered into seems to have their version of sliders.  Tuna steak, beef, pork, chicken, salmon, it’s a burger but better because your get more than one.  Where the hell did the originality go?  Can someone create a new version of a gyro or something?

3. Truffle Oil: Truffle fill-in-the-blank, used to be seen as a decadence  equivalent to silk on restaurant menus.  Now it seems as if it’s just another commodity.  Anyone can buy little bottles of it in the food section of TJ Maxx and they drizzle it on everything: eggs, veggies, meat, mac and cheese, whipped potatoes.  Let’s lay off the liquid gold a bit folks.  I don’t want all of my food to taste like a giant fungus.  It’s not ketchup.

4. Cupcakes:  It’s mini!  And its cake!  I stopped swooning over Betty Crocker Funfetti when I was 10.  This is getting a little ridiculous.  And why would I pay $3-$5 for something I can make myself in an hour?  And they will probably taste better too.  I appreciate the array of flavors and colors that a cupcake can behold but sometimes I feel as if I’m sinking my teeth into a perfume ball.

5. Duck Fat: 
We like to fry and cook things with lots and lots of different animal fats in this country.  Ok duck fat is orgasmic on fries, but using it to cook my snapper?  No thank you.  Sometimes I want my fish to taste like its original flavor.  No thank you to duck flavored brussels sprouts.

6. The Small Plate: Small plate should equal smaller prices, right?  Nice try.  I’m tired of seeming rude when I order a few things to share and immediately blurt out, “That’s it?!”

7. The Cosmo is So 90’s: Is my bartender actually a bartender or a mad scientist? This is grad school,  after a week  all I need is a stiff drink.  What is that unlabeled bottle?  Are you lighting my drink on fire?  Why does that smell like incinerated cardamom and juniper?  Um, I’ll just have a glass of Bordeaux, thanks.

8. Garnishes: Specifically, foam.  I’m tired of tomato, cucumber, melon coconut, whatever on my plate.  It looks like baby vomit or that someone decided to rinse their mouth in my bowl, and it’s not that impressive.

9. iPad Wine Lists:  Don’t get me wrong I love my iPad, but I’m at dinner, I just want to pick a wine.  I don’t want to make my own favorites list.  Just get me that damn Cabernet.